i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
