fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
