but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
