Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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