i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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