Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
