Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
