Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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