Need sex. Gaining weight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
