Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
