All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
