Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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