dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
