I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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