Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
