I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This girl is more easily done than said...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
