I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Someone shit on the floor
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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