We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
