tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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