It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
