apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
