YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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