I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
