I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
