That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
