She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
