you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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