I just made out with a guy for $7.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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