The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
