They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
