he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
