God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
