did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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