Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
