I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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