I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you win again, gameday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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