i think my tv is drunk
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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