I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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