I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
