Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
