i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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