he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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