What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She bit a glass in half.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
