i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
