I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
