Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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