He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
