he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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