i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
