Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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