I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
