I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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