Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
