i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
