There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Two words: nipple clamps
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