Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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