this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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