Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
