remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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