is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
