It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
