He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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