You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
