Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You ruined the universe
Randomize
