You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
