I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
