I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
