We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
