stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
