just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You've changed since you got that strap on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
