I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
