Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
