Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
